I hate elliptical machines... do you?

These things didn't exist when I was a kid. I feel we were more rugged as a species back in the 80's because gyms generally speaking didn't even have a lot of cardio machines where you would stay in one place. There were stationary bikes sure, and just like today anyone that bought one for their homes would use it as a place to hang clothes or use the clothes to hide the fact that they have a stationary bike.

It wasn't until i was in college that I saw my first elliptical machine and I thought it looked ridiculous but intriguing.

You ever notice how all the male models that they show on any advertisement for exercise equipment always looks the same? Dudes are shirtless, hairless, greased up but not sweaty and have hair "just so." yeah well this guy probably doesn't even use an elliptical.

Anyway, the elliptical machine was introduced as a way to have a no impact workout because apparently all of our bodies are incapable of the extremely rugged impact of actual exercise, but we still want to exercise. For me this has always been the "lazy person's exercise machine" and there is a lot to this. There is a reason why there are no spin classes that feature ellipticals.

I've noticed from every gym I have ever joined that the people who are sweating the least, well they are always on the elliptical machines and there is a good reason for this. This machine doesn't work you as hard as other machines and if you are super lazy, you can use your arms to help your poor legs keep those let canoes rotating. They can also be used to whack yourself in the arms if you choose to not use them.

Sure, you can turn up the resistance on an elliptical and make it more difficult but go ahead and watch the people at the gym on these machines, they are NOT turning up the difficulty.

_{if you can read your Kindle while you are doing it, you likely are not getting a real cardio workout}

Furthermore, what actual exercise are you mimicking by using one of these things? A bicycle that is powered by you looking like a goon?

Look, I'm not saying that there is no way this machine is doing you any good and it is certainly better than not getting any exercise at all but I feel like this machine was invented so that people could go to the gym and feel as though they are doing something when in reality this machine is just a little bit different than sitting on the sofa. I feel the same way about those stationary bikes where you are practically lying down on them.

If the choice is doing this or doing no cardio at all then ok, use an elliptical... but stop kidding yourself into thinking that just because you are at the gym on an expensive zero-impact-space-machine that you are getting real exercise. You gotta put in the work to be fit and if it feels really easy....well, that isn't work now is it?