A Forced Break to Restore Sanity and Focus

There are certain stages of life when humans tend to be totally confused, not knowing what to turn, or what decisions to make and in the end, they most likely make decisions that hurt from within. It can be breaking a relationship or quitting something, even if they don't want to but the condition warrants it.

Today, Fred is just about to make one decision that breaks his heart and many out there would feel the same about this decision. I'm taking a break from Steemit which means I will power down my account and stay away for some time. No one could have ever imagined this based on my love for Steemit but certain things have grown beyond my capacity over the last few months.

I have been depressed for months, galloping like an antelope, I feel better today and tomorrow is another state of depression. I hardly concentrate these days and it affected my blogging as well, my strength is fading. I don't know if I love my family too much or if I have only imposed a lot of pressure on myself. You must have seen me write a lot about my parents in some of my articles before (I wrote many). Hmmm, those people mean the world to me.

I proposed to establish their businesses in the first quarter of the year to ease off the hard job they have been involved in even at old age (Dad is 70+). To achieve this, I worked harder than I have ever done, venturing into investments, learning new skills, and so on. Unfortunately, the little that comes back from my investments has been used for my upkeep and others around me.

At a stage, I got distracted easily from the new skills I have been learning, knowing I have not been able to get anywhere closer to my targets. But for how long would this continue? My strength is fading even though I hid the pain from others but within, something is killing me. Nothing interests me any longer and it's evident my soul thirst to relieve these burdens.

When I was a student at the Academy, I would spend over 8 hours at a stretch (there are times I forgot to eat) preparing homework entry, likewise, as a professor preparing lectures and verifying entries. I did all these joyfully back then but to write for 3 hrs now is hard for me, my mind takes me off to my burdens all the time and that depresses me more.

This less activity can be seen on my page, there are times I don't write more than 3 articles in a week. And participating in the engagement challenge, I am more interested in topics that allow me to pour out my pain, wishes, and other things that bothers me hoping to get relieved but the effect only last for a short while, the pain would return. I'm dying within.

_{Sad Man | Source: Pixabay}

I have rent that was due last month even though I'm staying away from the house to secure another place where I can have like minds around me, if I should pay the rent now, it means I have nothing left on me, in fact, I don't have enough to pay for the rent comfortably. My grinds have been on hold since my computer recently got damaged beyond repair. I was even forced to stop learning the skills I started a few months ago.

I have tried hard to make things work but it ain't yet, I get less sleep these days as I sleep for just 3 - 4 hours daily (my mind is always awake and scares sleep away), if it continues like this I may likely break down anytime and that would be more disastrous. I was very sick some months ago, my friend was with me and I asked her "Do you know the password to my Binance wallet?" She was scared about me dying, yeah, that's how I felt at that moment, thinking the little I have shouldn't waste away in my wallet.

It's been a very rough road, I tried all I can and the situation in Nigeria ain't making it any better. So, I'm deciding to power down and take the burdens off myself. Giving enough to my parents takes a huge burden off me and then I can be more focused on myself alone, building the foundation of the future I have always wanted. Even though the estimation of my needs can't be covered with the power down but it would help to an extent. God knows I don't want to leave, I tried too hard but I ran out of options.

It all feels like my legacy in a few communities is crumbling with this decision but I think my well-being is equally important. The projects I started to make the community more lively and promote quality content on the platform all seem they are fading away, maybe not forever.

For this reason, I'm stepping down as a professor in the Crypto Academy, Country Representative, and Admin in Steem4Nigeria. To avoid misalignment in the team, I held back from applying for the community curator role when the last call for applications was released. Honestly, it hurts!

Nothing would happen to Steem4Nigeria and its account, we have not set it up for profit purposes, we just want a community for our people and for the growth of STEEM in this part of the world, that's why we haven't taken any STEEM out for ourselves since the community started existing. The community would continue operation while @xkool24 would be the main Admin and will be assisted by the moderators.

• Higher percentage goes to my parents (this will keep me focused on myself alone for the coming years).

• Pay the rent for another apartment.

• Acquire advanced laptop device and other computer devices for my job. Also, I'm picking up again the skills I've been learning.

• Whatever remains would be for some little investments. It would only take a little time for my feet to be solid in my next endeavors. I'm smart to make anything work with the help of God and the focus I have lost due to burdens of life is just about being restored.

Definitely Yes, I will be back when I can hit the club status again, let's say two months from now. I will return to work for the growth of Steem4Nigeria, well, I may not be fully blogging during that time because I will be grinding so hard to raise funds that can be enough to buy back what I'm about to take out now and power up again.

In addition, I will be helping people who needs my help on getting things right on the platform even during my powering down. Steem has been part of me and it's hard to stay away for a long period.

To Nigerians, you are doing great these days and I urge you to keep up with the quality, energy and diligence (don't cheat the system or you will get exposed someday). Please don't power down your account, circumstances forced me to take this step.

Stay focused and add value to the platform, be a worthy guide to your recruits, and abide by the rules of the platform. I wish you good luck.

In conclusion, I refuse to leave in silence because Steemit has been there for me, the platform opened my sight to the other side of the world and I'm grateful for all the support over the past 2 years, none of them is taken for granted. I seriously wish this is not happening but I was so weak and out of ideas. I will be back to cover this loophole sooner.

I don't know if I'm making the right decision now because I'm losing my mind already. I'm sacrificing my reputation with this brief exit for my mental health and recovering the lost focus which would help my career. Thank you.

Cc:-
@steemitblog
@steemcurator01
@steemcurator02