Grief and Allowing Others to Suffer Through Their Feelings

Grief — be it at the lost of a partner or spouse, the death of a friend, a beloved pet or whatever — tends to be one of those emotions we tend to avoid, in part because it is uncomfortable, but also because we usually find ourselves in an unfamiliar emotional landscape.

It's not easy to watch a friend suffer because they are grieving a loss. Most people feel compelled to somehow "make the grieving person feel better" but we're often helpless to do so.

Grief, of course, doesn't come with a schedule or a standard "playbook!"

Of course, part of what's happening when we watch someone close to us go through grief is that we're reminded of how much previous losses in our own lives affected us.

Whereas it might feel counterintuitive, the most appropriate thing we can do is allow the grieving person to feel their feelings.

I some ways, we are actually dishonoring our friend/family member if we try to pull them out of their grieving state before they are ready. Wounds don't actually heal of they are not tended to appropriately, and that includes emotional wounds.

The best thing we can really do is simply be with someone and afford them a supportive space in which they can fully experience their grief. It's not the time to tell someone who you worked through your grief... because the grieving period is NOT about you!

It seems like it often holds true that we really discover who our friends are when we are grieving. A lot of people know how to "be there" when things are good, or fun, or entertaining... but they slink away when grief comes along. Because it is admittedly difficult to sit with a grieving person.

The thing about being with someone who is grieving is that we must find the wisdom to be attentively passive. We are authentically Present, while recognizing that there's nothing that needs to be "fixed" or "made better" by us.

The "making better" comes purely through our being Present with the grieving person, and their knowing that they are not alone in a difficult time.

I found myself recently having to put these principles into practice when my husband's cousin passed away.

Thanks for visiting, and Bright Blessings to all!

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You are not alone! (Graphic is our own)

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