Incredible India Monthly Contest of January #2: Protective vs. Possessive!

My response to the @meraindia community Contest of January #2: Protective vs. Possessive!

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There is a very thin line between being protective and being possessive. This question has come at the right time. Recently, I came across this situation with a client. I know this lady for a couple of years now. She got into an extra marital affair with someone, and I very well know this man also. Though I kept on warning them, they did not pay a heed, especially the lady. The man has been extra protective about her and caring for her. No doubt he loves her madly but at the end of the day it is still not the right thing. For many months, it continued. The lady was liking it because he was caring for her a lot. But lately the situation has been changing, the caring is becoming like a liability. Because the man is now getting into the possessive mode.

Because he takes good care of her, he feels he is liable to know every single thing about her life, and he wants to control everything like what she wears, where she goes out, who she talks with. He wants to check her phone and stay updated with all her details. The lady is now finding it suffocating in the relationship. She does not want to be answerable for everything to him. Even her husband has not been so demanding like this man. It definitely is a situation for her to deal with. She did ask him to walk out of her life, but his possessiveness is to extremes and he does not want to leave her. She has blocked him from everywhere, but I do not think that's the real solution.

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How do I glance towards the two "P's"? I believe in one thing never give away too much power to anyone to control you. Once you do that, the protectiveness can very easily turn into possessiveness just like in this case. Always maintain some distance, be it whoever in your life. You should have that space to make your own choices and decision. The moment it happens for the first time it should be stopped. When someone starts dictating on you, initially you may feel good, especially if you have not had attention from anyone in your life. The dictate in the initial stages will look very soft and loving but as time grows they will increase and become harsher and possibly it would be too late to take action and eventually it would turn in to a bitter game.

Some reasons behind the possessiveness in any relationships
The person who shows this behavior, I feel they are deprived of love in their life. There is an emptiness in their life. When they find someone who can fill up their empty space, they cling to them and do not want to let them go. They have major insecurities and fears in life. They feel that if that person walks away from their life, then again emptiness will fill them up, because of which they are scared of losing and in the bargain they become possessive. They feel it is love but it is not, it is just a selfish act to cover up their insecurities.

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Do I believe both "P's" exist in each relation we are close to? Pros and cons behind both "P's"!
No, I do not think that both Ps exist in each relation we are close to. It is individual's attitude. People who are happy and contended with their life will mostly not portray this kind of behavior. It is also about individual's upbringing. If the person has had broken family and toxic environment in their growing up, this behavior is more likely from them compared to someone who has grown up in a safe loving environment. They would clearly know the difference between both the Ps. Being possessive is a part of some unhealed trauma which may have occurred in childhood or at any age. Being protective is healthy in a relationship. When you care for someone with love, you will know your boundaries, and you will give space to the person. But when you become possessive the opposite person in the relationship will suffocate.

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A healthy relationship is the one where one feels safe, love and nurtured and not scared.

I will like to invite @cryptopie, @jyoti-thelight and @heriadi to participate in the contest.

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