RE: Last Chat On The Deadbed, An entry for @wakeupkitty's contest
I just want to share some memories that I have experienced. When my mother-in-law was sick, I felt so close to her. I felt like she was the mother I had to take care of.
I felt like she loved me so much. I was with her a lot while I gently massaged and stroked her arm. She looked comfortable. At that time, I felt the need to accompany her as much as possible. However, I had responsibilities at work because I was made the head of the committee who had to carry out the responsibilities. At that time, I wanted to say goodbye and I wanted to go home that afternoon.
"Ma'am, I want to go home to Pamulang."
"Can't you just do it tomorrow?"
I repeated the question three times on another occasion, a few hours later.
When I asked the second time, the answer was the same. I was asked to go home tomorrow.
Until the third request, then she took a deep breath and said
"Okay, you can leave."
My heart was so sad to hear it. I realized there was reluctance from her words and her sighs.
"Ma'am, tomorrow after the event is over, I'll go straight home."
She nodded.
That evening I took the train. I arrived in Pamulang at 6 am. I immediately prepared for the event at work. At the beginning of the event, the phone suddenly vibrated. Then I took the phone in my pants and answered it. My wife said that my mother had passed away.
I became even sadder and realized as if she knew and asked me to stay home.
After the funeral, my wife told me about my mother-in-law nearing the end of her life. There was one thing on her mind. There was still a youngest child who was still small and we know she was very spoiled. Always asking to be accompanied. Until one day my wife told me to calm down, don't worry. She would take care of her youngest sibling.
"Relax, ma'am, I will take care of the youngest. I will stay in Klaten, let my husband continue working in Pamulang. I will accompany Fadli until he is an adult while helping my father take care of the rice mill."
Hearing my wife's answer, he then felt calm and took his last breath. Death comes after he feels at peace with what he left behind.
So, in my opinion, what we hate when we die is probably when we see what we leave around us, especially our family. And of course we hate when there are problems in the family. Worried that there will be disputes after we die. Hate when we are about to die and there is a family member who goes far away like I did. Hate when there are still responsibilities that have not been fulfilled and no one replaces them. Hate when we find out that there are children who are selfish and do not want to pay attention to the fate of their siblings.
All of that hatred certainly makes the last moments so heavy because approaching death there is still a burden that is weighing on us.
She wanted to have you close and I believe that's a sign of love and she did love you otherwise she wouldn't have asked. She also knew you had other responsibilities and realized that you had to go although she would have loved to keep you a bit longer at her side but at the moment she told you to go she said goodbye and was okay with you leaving.
I don't think all the hate you describe is true. She didn't hate you for leaving, she knew it was a goodbye and you had to continue with your life. I don't believe that many people hate. They feel neglected, angry, scared, abandoned, lonely but that isn't hate.
Also the one who dies shouldn't be worried about how the rest of the family acts. Unfortunately, that is what happens in many cases which makes dying harder but no matter how long it takes the family has to find a way and continue with their lives. If they hate another and mess up it's their responsibility.
We all have our own responsibilities, our own family (partner/children to take care of) but at the first place we should take care of ourselves. If we can't manage we will drag everyone around us in a pool of misery.
Hating children because they don't fulfill their responsibilities? If it comes to that I can only say as a parent how disappointed I am and if they don't take their lives in their own hands I will kick them out. Why? Because if you always depend on someone else you will never learn anything. Next to that I didn't raise my children to be parasites and I don't feel the need to always rescue them.
There was a lot of hatred as one of my grandfathers died. He refused to see his wife and one daughter (my mother) at that time. I understand why he did that and I would have done the same but what saddens me most is the reason and he had allowed them to ruin him.
Sorry to answer your #comment late.
I think what you said is more appropriate. I remember clearly there was a little disappointment when I asked permission to return to work, but my mother-in-law realized that there was a responsibility that I had to do. However, all of that left a mark so that I became more aware of how much she loved me. From that fact I knew and realized how I had to take care of her daughter who was also my wife. I had to see how the mother who had conceived then given birth and raised a beautiful girl and then I took it. Isn't this a form of "cruelty"?
I try to continue to maintain this attitude and attention as a form of responsibility for getting a daughter from my mother-in-law.
so every time there is a problem I will return it to the love of our mother and parents. that will make us more aware that we have a responsibility and don't need to avoid problems.
"Face it and it will definitely be resolved with the best"