Be careful with what you wish for

In the first few years of marriage there were loads of responsibilities, my son was young, I had to take care of him, there was job to manage and focus was to build up on career also, at the same time home also had to be taken care of. For a long time, life was going on in fast track mode, sometimes, when the day would start and end there would be no realization of it. And I always kept wishing, how nice it would be if I did not have a need to work or do anything. Just be home and enjoy life, go out with friends and have fun. That time I was very young and I would look around me, some of my friends who were well off would not work and every day they would have parties, go out and have fun.

Then a day came in my life, when I had no need to work. I felt like my wish was coming true, and I thought it would be nice not to be doing anything. But when it actually happened, I was not enjoying it. For a month or so, I would catch up with friends we would have coffee mornings or lunch and all of that. I started feeling like all of that was so meaningless, what looked fun then was getting boring for me and suddenly I was feeling life was becoming meaningless. Though I was not wanting to get on a job again, because I was not enjoying that as well. From there I diversified myself in to other activities that brought some sense to life.

I always thought I would be so happy not doing anything in life, no responsibilities, now work and only fun. I was manifesting it for a long time and when that actually happened it did not bring me happiness. I realized how wrong my wishes were, but as you say grass always looks green on the other side. Possibly I am not even made for these kitty party things. I like my soberness and boundaries. Morning time is precious for me now, I like to spend in prayers, meditation, doing useful things and do not wish to spend on meaningless kitty parties.

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